by Gerry Wood
We need to have a serious talk about the Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse!
Over 25 years of musical mischief, the Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse have stormed the world of horn quartets with their cheeky humor, entertaining performances, educational escapades, and original repertoire. They're like the mischievous jesters of the horn world, trying to spread laughter and harmonious chaos wherever they go.
They started as a student group at the University of Southern Mississippi (and not even the best quartet there) in the late 1900s under the inspired direction of the amazing Denny Behm (God rest his soul). Motivated to prepare for competitions, they crammed into a Pontiac 6000 like a bunch of horn-brandishing clowns and started touring. They imposed on innocent high-school and middle-school kids the questionable humor of the unfortunate souls caught in Gerry's orbit of forced camaraderie. The original syndicate of wrongdoers consisted of Stuart De Haro (Famine), Tony Licata (War), Molly Wood (Pestilence), and Gerry Wood (Death). It's rumored that they even added these apocalyptic equine monikers to the backs of black shirts they received after filling out credit card applications at the local mall.
As the millennium turned over, they descended upon the University of Illinois Champaign-Urbana, where they embarked on a perilous journey of horn enlightenment under the watchful eye of the diabolical and slightly mad horn genius Kazimierz Machala. Their musical madness evolved and developed as they shared a quirky horn-infested farmhouse nestled in the corn fields outside of Champaign. In 2003, Stuart bid farewell to the Four Hornsmen as his aspirations of horn-making greatness took center stage. Now, he orchestrates his heavy metal revolution as the Machinist Foreman at the University of Illinois. Audrey Good took over the last chair duties in his stead with unmatched sarcasm, sardonic wit, and a "Charlie Putnamesqe" mastery of the low register. (In a twist of fate that could only happen in the bizarre world of horn players, Gerry had actually coached a prodigious young Audrey at the Illinois Summer Youth Music Camp when she was only 17). Although she never fulfilled her dream of challenging her way off of fourth horn in the Hornsmen, she improved enough at some point to score the second horn position of the Toronto Symphony horn section.
In 2004, The Four Hornsmen, ever the cunning infiltrators, orchestrated their first of many organized indoctrination operations, flamboyantly labeled the Bluebonnet HornFest. The brainchild of Molly, this devious plan involved enlisting guest artists such as the legendary Ethel Merker, the fripperish "Spike" and Ellen Shaw, the fearless Jeff Nelsen, and the Juanjo "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" Pastor to perform and bestow the gift of hornology alongside the Hornsmen. Young horn players fell under their spell, never to look at their instruments the same way again.
Life's comic opera took an unexpected twist in 2006 when Molly, the multitasking maestra and caretaker of Gerry's and her progeny, yearned for a well-deserved, peaceful intermission. The trials of touring, graduate assisting, and managing the wild antics of tiny horn aficionados had taken their toll. While the spotlight may not grace her presence, she's the secret mastermind behind the scenes and a ninja of composition and arrangement. She's like the invisible force that keeps the Four Hornsmen on track, ensuring that their musical escapades are as harmoniously chaotic as ever. And just like that, Paul Blackstone swooped in, Paxman 23 in hand, ready to fill the void with his unique blend of musical mischief, dry humor, and beard oil.
At this point, things went from zero to horn-frenzy in no time! The Four Hornsmen soared to new heights, rocking the socks off horn enthusiasts at the 2008 and 2013 IHS Symposiums, touring twice a year and unleashing their musical magic on the world with their album "Intuitions" (seriously, it's a mind-altering experience, available on Spotify and Apple Music for all your auditory pleasure. Play it on repeat until you're tired of it, then turn the volume down and let it play while you sleep). And to satisfy their insatiable wanderlust, they embarked on a whirlwind European adventure in 2015, conquering new territories and leaving a trail of laughter and horn-induced euphoria in their wake.
After conquering Europe like a horn-wielding Joey Tribbiani, Tony made a strategic decision to switch gears and focus on his prowess as a military maestro in the Army band. With his horn skills and military precision, he embarked on a new mission, leaving a vacancy that could only be filled by the one-and-only Brian Brown, a musical virtuoso capable of hitting high notes and delivering punchlines with unparalleled finesse. His arrival was serendipitous as the following year, these melodic misfits brought their unique brand of horn-infused chaos to the land of K-pop and kimchi at the prestigious Busan Maru Music Festival.
After circling the globe like astronauts rocking spaghetti dispensers of sound, they landed back on Earth with a mission to ignite the passions of young horn players through the Honors Horn Camp that they had begun in 2015. Armed with their horns and an arsenal of eye-rolling horn puns, they aimed to blow the minds of budding musicians and show them the wild and wacky wonders of the horn nerdom, camaraderie, and FUNdamentals. The camp was on a roll until 2020 when COVID crept in like a sneaky sax player and forced them to hit the mute button, but not before Jacquelyn Adams joined them on their last tour and brought her horn expertise to their online horn camp, adding an extra sprinkle of musical mischief and laughter.
The Hornsmen have donned their musical capes and transformed the realm of horn quartets into a fantastical funhouse. Their mission is crystal clear: entertain, educate, and inject the repertoire with new and original works with a side order of playful "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" moments and clever quips. The Hornsmen's unique brand of humor is accompanied by an unwavering commitment to delivering top-notch musicality. Their funny antics come with a disclaimer: they must be paired with exquisite playing. Watching a Four Hornsmen show is like witnessing Jimmy Fallon break character on Saturday Night Live–-unpredictable, hilarious, and guaranteed to leave you in stitches. It's baffling that this thing has been allowed to continue completely unchecked. Think of the number of future "Horn Nerds'' they've created in their wake!
The current members of the Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse are:
Paul Blackstone, Freelancer in Austin, Texas
Brian Brown, Freelancer in Dallas-Fort Worth, Texas
Audrey Good, Second Horn, Toronto Symphony Orchestra
Gerry Wood, Principal Horn, Fort Worth Symphony Orchestra
